I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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