Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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