Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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