I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
