Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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