i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
