I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
