I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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