I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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