Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
