the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
