He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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