I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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