porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
