you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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