After last night, I could never be a politician.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
