she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
