Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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