if you like me you must not know who I am
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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