hotel room ftw
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
