My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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