His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
