Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
