i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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