Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
