very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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