hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
