I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
