Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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