I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
