Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
id be glad to
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize