he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
