Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
