i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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