Soap is not a condiment
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
