ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
