My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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