the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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