HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
