When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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