Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
