he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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