ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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