**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
