We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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