in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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