i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
