I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
