I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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