She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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