omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
