lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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