so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
