So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
