he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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