I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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