Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
