You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize