I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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