I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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