I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
