I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
