we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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