Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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