just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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