College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
