There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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