Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
