she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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