on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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